Dear President Cafone

Dear Mr. Trump,

How's that little vay-cay working out for you?  Here's what we know so far:

1. Your wife can't stand you.
2. Maybe because you're a rat bastard?
3. Your son-in-law is even creepier than you are.
4. Your suits don't fit.  Not even close.
5. French people make fun of you.
6. They didn't make fun of Obama.  Just sayin'.
7. His Holiness thinks you're a jerk.  
8. And when I first saw your ladies at the Vatican, I thought "Who died?"
9. You really like Saudi Arabians. 
10. Probably because they give you (and your creepy kids) money.
11. And shiny things.
12. World peace?  Fugeddaboudit.

So you're in Sicily now, are you? Let me give you a list of Sicilian words you're gonna hear.  A lot.  I don't know how they're spelled, but they sound like this:

boodagots

chooch

gabbaroos

gabbados

gabbadeegots

gogoots

gooloo

jadrool

jamoke

skoochamend

stroonz

stoonahd

vafangool

They all pretty much mean the same thing.  Except for the last one.  But I think the word you're gonna hear the most is cafone.  Like, you are the EMBODIMENT of a cafone.  Take, for example, what you did to the Prime Minister of Montenegro.  Smooth move, James Bond.  The jacket flick was a nice touch. 

Seriously, chooch, in the Italian dictionary next to cafone is your picture.

Hope this helps,

Connie Staccato

Sicilian-American

(BTW, a special "grazi'!" to the American-Italian dictionary at americanitalian.net.)