Good Advice

Snooki.  I am SO sorry, girl!

Now, before you go and put the malocchio on your rat bastard husband, talk to your mother.  If she's anything like my grandmother, she'll roll her eyes and give you some good advice.

My grandmother told me two things about men:

1. "Put 'em all in a paper bag, and reach in and get one."; and
2. "He can put his shoes by my bed anytime."

(The second is in reference to Luciano Pavarotti.)

The first, Snooki, means that men are not all that special.  You got one you like, great.  Does he bring home a check?  Bonus points.  Does he beat you?  No?  He's a keeper. 

And don't defend him.  He doesn't need defending, YOU need defending.  If you try to defend him you're just going to sound like Tammy Wynette.  Or Hillary Clinton and her "vast conspiracies", something that worried me a lot more than her emails.

Ashley Madison?  Better you should be biting your nails over the Republican presidential candidates.

My grandmother also taught me how to make baby artichokes.  These are better than men.

Stuffed Baby Artichokes

Look for little artichokes in the store.  They're hard to find.  You can make this recipe with big artichokes, too, but big artichokes are a pain-in-the-ass, so keep your eye out for the little ones.

Once you have your baby artichokes (depending on their size, you'll need 6-8), trim them.  You do this with a bread knife.  Cut the bottom stems so that they're flat with the rest of the bottom of the artichokes and then saw off about a half-inch straight across the tops.  If you want to get fancy, you can stick them in ice water while you prepared the stuffing.  This opens up the leaves a little.  Otherwise, just rinse the artichokes and set them aside.

Now make a stuffing.  Mix about 2 cups of breadcrumbs with some grated cheese (romano, parmesan, and/or pecorino), some Italian spices (oregano, basil, parsley, etc.), garlic salt, and black pepper.  If you run low, make some more.  The proportions don't really matter.  Mix it however it tastes good to you, but try not to overdo the basil.

Get a rectangular casserole dish and put about an inch of water in the bottom.  Take the little artichokes and spread out the leaves.  One at a time, sprinkle the stuffing over them (some of it will fall into the leaves) and put them in the casserole dish.  Cram as many into the dish as you can, and then drizzle with olive oil.  Cover the dish tightly with foil and bake in a 350 degree oven for an hour or so, until tender.

Serve with melted butter. 

If you don't know how to eat an artichoke, go on Google and find a tutorial  (I'm thinking YouTube).  And get ready for one of the best experiences of your life.

You can't get this from Ashley Madison.  Trust me.

Life's a Beach

It took me almost an hour to get dressed this morning.

This always happens, the first few days when it gets warm outside.  I have no problem with winter clothes.  I understand winter clothes.  We wear clothes in the winter to keep us warm.  Summer clothes confuse me.  We don't wear clothes in the summer to keep us warm.  We wear clothes in the summer to keep us from getting arrested.

We can't go around naked which, besides being socially unacceptable (except, evidently, at a Met Gala), is a bad idea for feet.  And for chairs.  So we wear as little as possible, because it's hot, and try to wear clothes that do a little something to obscure the view of our less-than-stellar body parts.

The list of which gets longer every year.

Hence the confusion this morning.  This year my ankles made the list.  They don't need to be covered, exactly, but they probably shouldn't be showcased.  That took me by surprise, since I've always had very nice ankles.  Not anymore.  It's like the tide eroding the beach.  Every year, there's a little less beach.  And every year, right about this time, I have to re-configure my whole wardrobe.  It's either that or start shopping at Chico's

If I'm going to go through all this trouble every year, the results should at least be decent.  Which means that, come the warm weather, I try to shave a few calories off of my food allowance.  But going all the way to October without a stuffed artichoke?  Infamia.  Lucky for me, I don't have to.  Lucky for you, today I present my friend Christine's Amazing (and totally healthy) Artichoke Casserole.

She's not Italian, but she's married to one.  And lives in New Jersey.  Same thing.

Amazing Artichoke Casserole

Cook a big bag of frozen artichokes according to the package directions.  Drain them and put them into an oiled casserole dish.  Pour some olive oil over them.  Sprinkle with bread crumbs (I use whole wheat), mixed with grated cheese (I use Romano), salt and pepper, and some dried basil.  Drizzle with more olive oil.  Top with a pat of butter and put the dish into a 350 degree oven until heated through and a little golden brown on top.

If you've ever stuffed artichokes, you'll notice that this recipe is about a thousand time easier and much less time-consuming.  If you feel guilty about that, you can use fresh artichokes and fresh basil, and meno male I don't have those kind of compunctions.  Just so you know, the rest of us will be out in the sunshine.

Enjoying what's left of the beach.