It's time to go shopping.
Actually it's always time to go shopping. And thank God for thrift shops because if they didn't exist I'd be living in a cardboard box by now.
This is guilt-free shopping, though. It's everything you're going to need to cook your (my) Thanksgiving dinner. I save my list on the computer and just print it out every year. I was going to divide it into two parts for you, perishables and non-perishables, but I'm just going to assume that you're smart enough to figure that out on your own.
If you're not smart enough to know that you shouldn't buy the fresh parsley three weeks before you make the stuffing, then you need more help than I can give you. Likewise, the following list takes for granted that you already have basic things like salt and pepper in your kitchen. And bowls and spoons. If you don’t, call your mom, and ask her advice. She’ll be thrilled.
So print this out, start buying the stuff as soon as it's reasonable, and check things off as you go along.
Connie Staccato's Thanksgiving Shopping List
Turkey - 16 to 18 lbs. Order a fresh one at least two weeks ahead. (To be honest, if it were up to me, I would just buy a multitude of turkey legs, wings, and thighs, and skip the whole carving routine. I get pushback on this, though.)
Turkey gravy – 8 pkgs (for your leftovers; no, you are not going to serve this stuff on Thanksgiving)
Large foil roasting pans - 2
Medium size foil roasting pan
Small square roasting pans - 4
Cheap, nasty white bread - 3 large packages
Onions - 2 large
Celery - 1 bunch
Parsley - 1 bunch
Unbleached white flour
Canned pumpkin - 1 large (in case you didn't feel like cooking your own)
Chopped pecans - 1 large bag
Light corn syrup - 1 bottle
White sugar - 1 bag
Brown sugar - 1 package (you're not going to use much)
Baking potatoes - 8 (or more, if you're feeding an army)
Sweet potatoes - 3
Lemon - 1
Lemon - 1
Marshmallows - 1 bag
Baby lima beans, frozen - 1 large bag
Sweet corn, frozen - 1 large bag
Cranberries - 3 bags
Raspberries, frozen - 1 large bag
Whipping cream - 6 small cartons
Butter - 4 lbs
Half and half - enough for all the coffee
Booze - wine, whiskey, Galliano, whatever (I buy this last, or I'd drink it all)
I bought all my non-perishables last week. Good thing, because I had oral surgery yesterday. After that I was flat on my back all day, cursing the saints and the woman who gave birth to my periodontist, and today my right jaw is swollen up to the size of a grapefruit. Which might cause people to wonder if my husband, Anthony, decked me, though people who know us wouldn't think that for a minute, because his face is still intact.
Oral surgery or no, I'm still on schedule.
And that's how it should be.